The Bat and The Cat
by Inu'sSongBird
Summary: A parody of Superman and Batman. Catwoman rules in this. And yes, Superman is too gay. YOU KNOW HE IS. :P Please R&R. Thank you for reading this summary. Hopefully you'll read my story.
1. Chapter 1

_Ok this is a parody of Batman and Superman. Yes Superman acts extremely gay in this because he is gay. Sorry to anybody who actually likes the guy. It is just my opinion although it is true. You know it is!! Anyway very fluffy story about Batman with Catwoman. They are awesome together! Just a few things first. 1__st__: They all wear their costumes in the WHOLE story. So when Batman is sitting in the theater he is in his costume! Lol yes I know its hilarious ;) and no I don't own anything… Sadness. But I hope you like the story. Hope its not as bad as I think it is… Please read and review! Hope you enjoy it!! _

"Batman! BATMAN!" Catwoman yelled as she ran over to him.

"What? Can't you see I'm working here?"

"Batman you're drinking a beer. At a bar."

"What's so bad about one beer? Besides, I'm scoping out the place."

Catwoman rolled her eyes as Batman's eyes wandered towards a waitress, who was stopping to pick something up off the floor. Catwoman sighed. It was always the same, him keeping her as his leading lady, and then dropping her to go check out bar waitresses and such. Catwoman looked down at the table resisting the urge to cause a scene. Last time Batman hadn't taken it too well.

"Catwoman!"

She looked up and was surprised to see Superman, in a black and silver version of his suit, standing in front of the table.

"Is it my turn for Justice League duty again?" Batman asked turning to Superman.

"Uh… no I came here to… talk to Catwoman!"

"What's up with the suit SM?" Catwoman asked laughing.

"Do you like it? It's black like Batman's-well except for the silver- but the rest of it's black!"

"Why are you wearing black? I thought you were scared of that color."

"You… don't like it do you?" Superman said his head hanging down.

"I never said that. What's wrong with you? You don't seem your usual happy, pushover self today," Catwoman said, a questioning look on her face.

"I came here knowing you would be here because Batman is here. I have to tell you something important."

"SM just say it already."

Superman went down on one knee, blushing, and yelled, "CATWOMAN I LOVE YOU!!"

The whole bar went quiet as all eyes turned to the superheroes and the waitress dropped the cup she was holding. Catwoman just stared at Superman with wide eyes numb in shock, as Batman broke his beer glass. It shattered the quiet and suddenly the whole bar was in an uproar cheering and calling for more beer. Catwoman's shock quickly turned into anger as she realized the people were cheering Superman on.

"What is wrong with you?! Did you get too close to Kryptonite today or did you just get drunk?!"

"No I'm serious Catwoman. I love you! I've loved you from afar while you go and chase after the wrong man!" he said giving a nasty look to Batman. Catwoman stood and starting walking to the door and out into the night air. _How dare he? How dare he come and make a fool out of himself __**and **__me in front of Batman no less!! _Jumping onto the fence, then to the rooftop of a building, Catwoman started her usual route home jumping from rooftop to rooftop. With a scowl on her beet red face, a sound like breathing behind her made her whirl around.

"Catwoman why did you just walk out on me like that?" Superman asked hovering in front of her. Catwoman was so startled she lost her footing and was going to fall but Superman caught her just in time.

"I apologize did I scare you?" he asked smiling at her with his usual stupid grin.

"No, you startled me. There is a difference." she snapped jumping back onto the rooftop.

"But why did you just walk out on me? I was confessing my love to you!"

"That's why I walked out! I can't believe you made a fool out of both of us in front of Ba-… the whole bar like that!!" she yelled going faster.

"But I really do love you Catwoman! I've loved you all along!" Superman said flying in front of her. Well, flying backwards for him.

"And could you at least be a normal superhero and not fly RIGHT in front of me?!"

"But it's easier to talk to you like this."

"Superman go back to the tower right now," Catwoman slowly said gritting her teeth.

Superman knew he was in for it when Catwoman used his full name, instead of his usual nickname, SM. Hanging his head down he flew back to the Justice League tower to find an even bigger problem waiting for him. A seriously pissed off Batman.

* * *

Batman sat in the booth his hand still clenching the broken handle watching Catwoman leave, her whole body tense. He looked to Superman, who was still on one knee, looking crushed. _Serves him right, _Batman thought, _how dare he make a move on Catwoman in front of ME? _

A brave waitress suddenly asked, "So what's going to happen with you and Catwoman?"

"What?!" Batman asked shocked.

"Sorry I was just wondering… you two always seem so close and all…Do you want another beer?" She asked hastily.

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Sorry…" she said backing away quickly. Superman stood up and went out to follow Catwoman as Batman went back to the Bat Cave.

* * *

"Alfred! ALFRED!" Batman called pacing.

"Is anything wrong Master Bruce?" Alfred asked hurrying down the white, glistening steps.

"Yes. Do you remember where I put my coordinates for the JLA tower?"

"You gave them to me if I recall correctly," Alfred said searching in his pockets.

"Here they are Master Bruce," he said pulling a piece of paper out of his back pocket.

"Thank you Alfred. I'll be going now."

"Will you be back in time for dinner Master Bruce?"

"I don't know, probably not. Go out to eat for dinner it's on me," Batman said as he got in his black jet.

"Thank you Master Bruce and please be careful."

Batman started his plane and shot off into the sky.

"I wonder what happened between him and Catwoman this time," Alfred muttered to himself as he went to go dust the bookcases in the study.

* * *

_Stupid Superman. Stupid Stupid Stupid, _Batman thought as he flew to the tower. Holding down a button Batman said, "Hey whoever's in I'm about to reach the tower. Open the landing bay."

"SurethingBats," said Flash. _Oh not him again, last time it was him my plane got scratched. _This time though the landing bay was open and he landed his plane as gently as possible. He pushed another button in the plane to open the cockpit and got out.

"WelcomebackBats.WhatmadeyoucomebackbeforeyournextJusticeLeagueduty?" Flash asked.

"Please talk normally and I'm waiting for Superman to come around."

"Oh my Bats I didn't know you liked Superman like that."

"I can and will break your legs."

"I'mgone!"

Batman shook his head and walked to the sitting area to sit on his usual hard backed, wooden chair. Sitting there the scene where Superman confessed his love to Catwoman replayed itself in his mind over and over again. Batman got angrier and angrier. _Superman better hurry up if he knows what's good for him.

* * *

_

Superman flew into the tower where Flash ran up to him saying, "SupermanBatmaniswaitingforyouandheisinaworsemoodthanheusuallyissoIwould n'tmakehimwaitanymore."

Superman blinked his eyes. "Flash you're talking so fast even I can't understand you. Can't you talk slower?"

"Hey Batman said that to me too. But I said Bats is in a worse mood than ever and so don't make him wait any longer."

"Couldn't you just say that the first time?"

"Probably, but it's a pain going so slow. Why can't you people just go faster?"

"Just forget it Flash. It's been a rough day. Batman is in the sitting area right?"

"Good luck!" Flash said dashing off again. Superman sighed, shaking his head as he dragged his feet to where Batman was. If he knew Batman like he did, he probably was not going to like what Batman had to tell him. Superman walked in the seating area and sat across from Batman on his usual comfy, pink beanbag chair.

"So would you like to tell me what that little episode of yours in the bar was about?" Batman asked furious.

"I finally got enough courage to tell Catwoman the truth," Superman said staring at the floor.

"Yelling "'I love you?'" in front of the whole bar (and me) to Catwoman? That was your idea of confessing your feelings to the beautiful woman? Didn't you notice that when she was leaving her WHOLE body was tensed?!"

"No… I didn't… did I embarrass her that bad?"

"You idiot! Of course you did! And you confessed in front of ME! She's my girl you blind idiot!"

Superman's jaw dropped open as he said, "You're girl?"

"Of course she is you idiot! Duh! But unlike you I have a reputation to keep!"

"Oh. But if Catwoman and I go out you won't have to deal with her bothering you anymore."

"Who said she was a bother to me?"

"You did. After she slapped you again for staring at another bar waitress the other day, so I thought it would be okay with you if I finally told her how I felt."

"Ah. Yes, I remember that incident. She was wearing that hot purple outfit that day," Batman said thoughtfully.

"Purple outfit? No the waitress had on a tiger suit and it was orange and black."

"Catwoman was wearing purple! Who said anything about the waitress?"

"Never mind Batman. Just know I will win Catwoman's heart away from you and I'll always treat her better than you ever would!" Superman said standing up.

"You want to say that again?" Batman asked griping Superman's collar.

"I said I will win Catwoman's heart and treat her better than you," Superman snarled.

Batman's eyes narrowed as he loosened his grip on Superman.

"Go ahead and try. Catwoman will still love me more."

Rage covered Superman's face as he balled his hand into a fist and pulled his arm back to punch Batman. The whip flew out of nowhere to strike just behind Superman.

"Don't you dare punch him SM," Catwoman hissed.

"Catwoman did you hear what he's been saying about you?"

"Yes I did hear."

Batman's eyes grew wide and felt his face go hot; making him glad he was wearing his mask.

"What are you doing here Catwoman?" Batman asked shakily.

"Black Canary just asked me to be her substitute while she's with a man who _wants_ her to be around... you stupid bat!"

Batman stood shocked as Superman grinned widely.

"Catwoman will you go to the movies with me tomorrow?" he asked.

Catwoman looked at him for a moment, thinking, then suddenly smiled and walked over to him.

She threw her arms around his shoulders and kissed him, making sure Batman got a good eye-full.

"What was that for?" Superman asked looking dazed when Catwoman finally pulled back.

"That was a yes. Now, good night SM. Good night _stupid_ bat."

She walked out of the seating area down to her room where she sat on her bed smiling to herself. _This could work to my advantage, _she thought, _the look on Batman's face was worth that kiss. It's payback time, and maybe, hopefully Bats will finally realize I'm the one for him. _Catwoman then changed for bed, fed her two cats, and went to bed.

Back in the seating area everything was at a stand-still; Superman still dazed and Batman shocked, his mouth still wide open. Finally Superman began to laugh.

"She agreed to go out with me! And she kissed me right in front of you!"

Dazed, Batman walked out to his room where he lay there on the bed thinking a long time, long after all the others in the tower had fallen asleep.

The next afternoon Catwoman sat in her room wondering what to wear for her date with SM. "What do you think I should wear, my beautiful friends?" she asked her cats. They just looked up at her and then continued to groom themselves.

"Well you're a bunch of help." Standing up she crossed her room to look in her closet. Going through her costumes she found what she was looking for: a purple, black dress that she wore only once with Batman at a bar. She would wear it with her purple mask and black gloves.

"Perfect," she purred.

* * *

Superman paced in his room wondering what the heck he should wear. He only had three outfits; his original Superman costume, his Clark Kent 3 piece suit, and his new Superman costume. _Maybe I should ask Flash for help, _Superman thought_. Eh… maybe not I probably won't be able to understand him. Maybe I should ask one of the other girls for advice. Not Hawkgirl or Wonder Woman… maybe Black Canary. Oh wait… no she's out with Green Arrow._

"I know! I'll call Mary Jane and ask her!" he exclaimed to himself smiling. He walked out of his room to where the phone was and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mary Jane, its Superman. I was hoping you would give me some advice on something."

"What kind of advice? Oh and Spidey says Hi."

"What should I wear on my date with Catwoman?"

"Catwoman?! You're going on a date with Catwoman?!"

"Yeah we're going to the movies tonight and I don't know what to wear."

"All right Superman this is going to take work though."

"Thank you so much! I'm saved!"

"Yeah Yeah. Look this is what you need to do…"

* * *

Batman walked from his room to look for Flash.

"Flash? Flash where are you?"

"WowisthehighandmightyBatmancallingforme?"

"Flash speak slower and yes I'm calling for you."

"Well here I am. What do you need?"

"I need to borrow some of your gloves and boots."

"What for?"

"Can I borrow them or not?"

"Only if you tell me what you need them for."

Batman frowned. "I need them to disguise myself."  
"All right Batman. I'll go get them for you," Flash said grinning.

Coming right back with the gloves and boots Flash gave them to Batman, who put them on.

"Well do I look disguised?"

"To tell you the truth you look like an idiot."

Batman gave him a look as he took the gloves and boots off.

"I'll just follow them making sure they don't notice," he sighed.

Flash stood there grinning as he watched Batman walk out to go follow Superman and Catwoman.

"He is so jealous," Flash said to himself laughing.

* * *

Catwoman sat waiting in her room for Superman to come pick her up for the date. A knock on the door made her stand up to go answer it. What she saw when she opened the door was nothing like she'd ever seen before. Superman was smiling at her wearing a black tux and actually looking manly for once.

"Good evening Catwoman. I believe we are going to the movies together?"

All she could do was nod as he escorted her to the launching bay.

Back on Earth, in front of the movie theater, Catwoman was trying to decide what movie to see.

"Let's go see Zombie Warfare 18."

"All right then," Superman said grimacing.

Catwoman grinned at that, knowing how much he hated Zombies, and how this movie was perfect for hand-holding. Walking past the rest of the line, a whiff of the air caught her attention. She looked at the man closer and noticed the familiar tip of Batman's nose poking from underneath the very low cap. Laughing to herself she walked through the glass doors to her date.

Catwoman walked into the theater to get seats while SM was getting her a Sprite. Catwoman sniffed the air, noticing the scent of Batman's cheap aftershave, who was sitting in the darkest seat, where barely anyone could see him, eating popcorn. _I'm impressed. He must be the fastest person to ever get into a movie._ Smirking, she chose a seat where SM could get a good view of the movie and where Batman could get a good view of _her_. Superman then came with her Sprite and sat down. Catwoman leaned against his shoulder, making him blush.

"You look good tonight SM."

"You look way better than I ever could."

"Did you choose that outfit out yourself?"

"Uh… actually I had Mary Jane help me, over the phone of course," he added hastily.

"Mary Jane? I'm impressed SM."

"Thanks, Catwoman."

"You're welcome. Now shut up. The movie is starting."

The movie, of course, provided plenty of opportunities to lean in close to Superman or grab his hand tightly, which was exactly why Catwoman chose this movie.

"Is it over yet?" Superman asked. Rolling her eyes Catwoman hugged him.

"Yes it's over SM," she whispered in his ear.

"Oh good. That was worse than the seventeen others."

Walking out, Catwoman looked to where Batman was and saw him still sitting there staring at the screen, his mouth wide open. Laughing to herself, she followed Superman to the exit that lead back to the outside night.

"So where would you like to go to dinner?" Superman asked, still holding her hand.

"I don't really care."

"Well it's your choice tonight."

"Let's go to the Midnight Café."

Superman looked at her surprised, as this was the place Batman took Catwoman. Just Batman took her there and _only_ him. Catwoman just smiled back and started leading the way. Superman grinned to himself as he ran to catch up with the woman of his dreams.

_The Midnight Café?! Is she this serious about him?! _Batman thought, a furious look on his face, as he silently followed them. _First she chooses a movie she knows she can lean on him and hold his hand, and then she chooses the special café __**I **__take her out too? _Batman was thinking about how to follow them into the café without being seen, when suddenly Catwoman looked back. Batman stopped where he was, startled, because it looked like she _saw_ him. Catwoman tilted her head, smiled, then turned back to talk to Superman.

_Oh crud, _Batman thought, _I can't believe I made a mistake. _He stood there waiting for Superman to turn around too and hit him for following them. Instead Superman laughed as though Catwoman had told a joke. Batman frowned, was it funny to Superman that he was following them or had Catwoman really just told a joke? Batman waited for a few seconds longer before he began his pursuit again.

"Table for two please," Superman told the hostess. The hostess looked wide-eyed as her head went back and forth between Superman and Catwoman.

"Table for two please," he repeated. The hostess nodded her head and went to get the seating hostess. Catwoman looked around at the familiar starry, black ceiling and the blue beads all around the walls while she waited.

"Will you have the usual table Miss Catwoman?" Batman's and Catwoman's usual seating hostess asked.

"Yes please."

The seating hostess grabbed two menus and led them to the back of the room to a closed off area. She pushed past the beads and opened the sliding door to a dark, yet tropical looking area. She sat the menus down on the low table and went out of the room. There were a few other people sitting in the room, but they didn't even look up as the superheroes took their seats.

_It has that same earthy, yet enticing scent, _Catwoman thought smiling.Catwoman blinked her eyes as she caught the scent of Batman's aftershave yet again and looked at the nearby waiter. She narrowed her eyes to the waiter's sleeve and smiled as she saw the small slit of black slip through.

"So what do you usually get here Catwoman?" Superman asked bringing Catwoman's attention back to him.

"Oh I usually get the grilled salmon. You should get the filet mignon."

"Have you tried it?"

"No, but it's what Batman ordered when he came here," she said as she watched the waiter stiffen.

"I'll just get the garden salad then."

Shaking with silent laughter as she watched the waiter jog-walk out of the room, she decided she needed to go freshen up.

"SM I'm going to the restroom. I'll be right back."

"Ok, if the waiter comes I order the grilled salmon for you right?"

"Yes and tell them to put extra lemon-garlic sauce on it."

Catwoman saw him nod as she swept out of the room to the bathroom. In the navy blue, red bathroom she paced. Hoping, praying that her plan would work she looked in the mirror. Catwoman smiled at the image it gave back: a sultry woman in a silk purple dress with a matching mask and black gloves, her curly black hair neatly framing her face. Catwoman walked out to go face dinner with Superman.

"What would you like for dinner _sir_?" Batman spat out.

"One garden salad, the grilled salmon, and two waters," Superman said.

"You forgot extra lemon-garlic sauce."

"Excuse me?" Superman asked, startled.

"I overheard your conversation and the lady said extra sauce," Batman said mentally punishing himself for his slip.

"You have good ears for a waiter."

"Will that be all?"

"For now, yes," Superman said.

Batman nodded as he walked back to the computer to type in the order.

Walking back to the table, Catwoman noticed Batman had his jaw tight. Wondering what they had done to each other now, she quickened her pace. Seeing that Superman was pretty relaxed and staring at the starry ceiling, she smiled, glad that he hadn't realized who the waiter really was.

"Did you order yet?" Catwoman asked sitting down.

"Yes I did. This is a pretty cool place. How did you find out about it?"

"Batman scouted this place out for potential waitresses and liking the place, even without all the waitresses, he takes me here sometimes."

"Ah. Well that was… nice of him."

"Yes it was. Here is your food," Batman said, a dark look on his face, as he plunked Superman's salad in front of him.

Catwoman smiled, "Are you eavesdropping?"

"You two just talk loudly," Batman said carefully placing the salmon in front of her.

"You did ask for extra sauce right SM?"

"I made sure you got it," Batman said.

Catwoman turned her head feigning surprise.

"You did?"

"Yes I did Ca- beautiful...uh ma'm," he said looking straight into her eyes.

Catwoman felt her face go red hot, so she quickly ducked her head.

"Thank you."

Batman nodded as he left the two to their dinner. Catwoman stared at her dinner a dreamy smile on her face.

"What's with the waiters and waitresses wearing masks?" Superman asked startling her.

"Oh, well, they do that to keep this place as mysterious as possible. It's really nice because we don't have people stare at us because we're in costume. They even have a masquerade balls here."

"Interesting, please tell me more."

All through dinner Catwoman explained more about the café and its customs. Batman was extremely put out with how relaxed she looked talking to Superman. _She_ _isn't even that relaxed when she's with me, _he thought bitterly.

He watched at how animated she was talking to Superman, trying her best to explain something to him. Watching her beautiful smile as Superman started to get what she was saying. Batman couldn't take his eyes off her.

All too soon they finished eating. Sighing, he got up and walked to their table.

"Would you like some dessert?" He asked, picking up the dark blue plates.

"Do you want to stay for dessert Catwoman?" Superman asked her.

"That'd be nice."

"In that case I'll have the Tooti Fruti Shake I've been hearing so much about."

Batman smirked as he nodded, then turned to Catwoman.

"And you miss?"

"Hmm…I think I'll have the…uh…" Catwoman trailed off as she noticed how closely the waiter was staring into her eyes. Her heart quickened as he moved closer.

"The Special Catnip Ice Cream is what you order Catwoman."

"About time you slipped up," Catwoman said smiling.

_Damn I knew I should've just stared at the table and not her lovely green eyes._

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

As Batman stared at her: her body, her hands, her face, those eyes, he knew he lost. He had already lost Talia to his pride. He was not going to lose another. Especially not her.

Catwoman grew a wonderful shade of pink and looked down.

Batman put his fingers under her chin and gently lifted her face back up.

"How long have you known?"

"I knew since the ticket line."

"You knew what Catwoman?" Superman asked, bringing Batman's and Catwoman's attention back to him.

Batman pulled his waiter costume off.

"She knew I was following you two ever since the ticket line to get into the movie."

Superman's face showed shock, then anger flooded his features.

"Batman! Why couldn't you just leave us alone! You knew she wanted to go out with me tonight."

"Yeah I knew… but I couldn't leave Catwoman alone with _you_."

"And why not?"

"Because I don't like her being with you," Batman said simply.

"Just who do you think you are deciding who I should and shouldn't be with?" Catwoman snapped.

"A person… who..."

"A person who _what_ you stupid bat."

Sweeping her up in his arms, Batman said, "A person who loves you."

"Really?" Catwoman whispered.

Batman leaned his face closer to hers and whispered, "Yes."

And he kissed her, a slow but painfully beautiful kiss. He kissed her in front of the few other people, the seating hostess, and Superman who were all staring at them. He drew back, his face red, and looked at Catwoman. Her smile was hurting her face as she whispered, "Finally."

Superman slowly stood up and, shaking, walked out. The few people who were left started to yell out to the other people in the café as they walked out.

"I'll leave you two alone," the seating hostess said winking, as she closed the doors behind her.

Batman looked back at Catwoman.

"Now where were we?"

THE END… FOR NOW


	2. Reviews

Ok this is for the oh so _many _reviews I've gotten. So anyone who has read my story Thank you! And please review…

ELVIS!!!: _I'm sorry you thought my story was stupid. I got a 95 on it so no it wasn't stupid just random. Glad I made u laugh though. That was the whole point of the story. And, of course to make fun of gay-man(Superman). _


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